Young Chinese find emotional support from 'virtual parents' on social media
Many young Chinese, who feel their real parents never say they are good enough, are turning to 'virtual parents' – content creators who offer warm words and encouragement online.
A new trend on Douyin
Vincent Zhang, a 33-year-old tech worker in Shanghai, habitually checks his phone during meals to see what his 'virtual parents' have posted. This middle-aged couple, Pan Huqian and Zhang Xiuping, create videos filled with comforting words for their imaginary child. With nearly two million followers on Douyin (China's version of TikTok), they are part of a niche group known as 'virtual parents', which has exploded in popularity.
In one of their most popular videos, the pair coos: 'Are you tired from work and study lately? Don't push yourself too hard. Mum and Dad know that you have endured a lot.' Many commenters call them mum and dad, share stories about their lives, and ask for birthday blessings.
The pressure of real parents
Vincent says his real parents never tell him he is good enough. 'My parents are never the ones who tell me not to drive myself too hard or that I am already good enough. But virtual parents will ask me whether I am happy today,' he tells the BBC.
He finds the weekly calls with his parents stressful. They criticise his career choice, believing a government job is more stable, and keep asking when he will bring a girlfriend home. 'From the moment the phone call begins, all my actions and choices are wrong, and something to be corrected by them,' he says.
The vlogger's own story
Pan, the 'virtual father', has shared his difficult childhood. At 14, he left home to become the breadwinner after his mother was paralysed. 'I left home for 33 years, and my parents have never said a word of encouragement,' he said in a 2024 interview. Determined to break the cycle, he always tells his daughter he loves her, and she often appears in their videos.
Gourd soup literature and generational trauma
Many young Chinese feel burnt out and question the rat race, especially amid a sluggish economy and youth unemployment above 15%. A viral meme called 'gourd soup literature' captures a common dynamic: a child's wishes are ignored by parents who claim to act for their own good.
Zhao Xuan, 28, says her parents use so much 'gourd soup literature' that she has muted the family group chat. 'I went to a therapist, but I gradually realised that crying wouldn't solve the problem. My mom wouldn't change, so I could only change my own mindset, to treat them as a joke,' she says.
Comfort in a commercialised world
Vincent acknowledges that these vloggers are likely mass-producing content and may be signed with companies. But he still finds comfort: 'I believe that a little bit of warmth is better than nothing.'
