Therapist: couples should learn their partner's "user manual" before moving in together
Psychotherapist Nancy Libiete advises couples to discuss early in their relationship how each partner wants to be comforted during hard times and how household duties will be split. Such conversations can help prevent conflict when the first serious crisis hits.
At the start of a relationship, partners often see each other through an idealized lens, focusing mainly on positive traits, while it remains unclear how the person will react in everyday difficult situations or conflicts. Psychotherapist Nancy Libiete stresses that many of these questions are worth clarifying before a couple starts living together, rather than waiting for life itself to raise them.
Emotional support needs
In her work with couples, Libiete uses the concept of a partner's "user manual" — understanding how the other person wants to be treated when they are going through emotional difficulty. For example, when someone feels sad, angry, or upset, some want a hug and a conversation, while others prefer to be left alone with personal space. The specialist notes it's important to know whether a partner wants closeness and support during hard moments, or, conversely, solitude. This seemingly simple information can prove decisive once the relationship faces its first serious crisis.
Dividing household duties
Libiete also points out that household matters are among the most common sources of conflict for couples. It's worth agreeing in advance on who will cook, who will do the shopping, and who will handle cleaning. If the couple has children, they should also discuss how childcare responsibilities will be divided. When both partners work paid jobs, it becomes even more important to fairly split household tasks between them, to avoid an unequal burden and the resentment that can follow.
