Psychologist shares phrase that can help stop a child's tantrum

A child's tantrum in public is one of the toughest challenges parents face, often triggering confusion and a sense of helplessness. Psychologist Amy Kinkead Toohey explains that during an intense emotional outburst, children struggle to think rationally and control their impulses — a preschooler may scream and roll on the floor, a nine-year-old might declare it's the "worst day of their life," while a teenager may slam a door or withdraw completely.

Calm first, teach later

According to the expert, the peak of an emotional outburst is not the right moment for lengthy explanations or lectures. Parents should first help the child regain control of their emotions, and only afterward use the situation as a teaching opportunity.

A phrase that acknowledges the child's feelings

Toohey suggests parents use the phrase "I can see how upset you are," which shows the child that their feelings have been noticed without excusing the behavior itself. After acknowledging the emotion, parents can then set boundaries — for example, confirming that the answer is still "no" — while making clear they remain present for the child.

The material also mentions an approach of helping children put their emotional state into words, since research links this ability to better emotional regulation, though naming emotions alone won't stop a tantrum. With older children and teenagers, Toohey recommends framing things as questions, giving them room to explain their own feelings.

The psychologist also stresses that parents need to manage their own emotions — if an adult responds more loudly than the child, tension only escalates. She advises speaking more quietly and slowly, using fewer words, as this tone shows the child that even strong emotions can be managed.