Psychologists Suggest How to Cope with Lingering Thoughts of a First Love

An article published by the magazine “Psychologies” and retold by the Latvian site NRA.lv looks at the situation of a person who cannot forget a first love even 15 years later. The material stresses that this is neither good nor bad and does not reflect badly on a person. However, if the state interferes with life and lowers its quality, it is sensible to try to help oneself.

Why the past attracts

According to the publication, people are often drawn not to the former partner but to who they themselves were at that stage of life, what they felt and what they experienced. A first love can seem especially vivid because the psyche then enjoyed the hormones of first emotional closeness, the feeling of being chosen and the romanticising of events. The present may hold fewer such feelings and more routine and duties, so memories grow brighter. The problem may lie not in the ex-partner but in an idealised image of them and of the past, and in the lack of something similar in current life.

Two suggested steps

First, it advises separating reality from the feelings of that time. The former partner has most likely changed and cannot provide the same emotions, and the person has changed too. What feels like attraction now may be a link to dreams and illusions.

Second, one should work out which feelings and emotions are missing today. For the brain it makes no difference whether emotions come from the present or the past, so the advice is to bring more joy into everyday life.

A farewell ritual

The publication also suggests considering what was so valuable back then and what is still hard to part with. A farewell ritual may help: a letter that is never sent but released to the wind or burned, a review of old photographs, or getting rid of an outdated item or piece of clothing that survives from that time.